This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Or is it?

I gotta tell you, perimenopause is not for wimps. It’s both fascinating and horrifying how changing hormones can affect everything. Joints, sleep, mood, food cravings, body shape, energy, and more.

They say it can last 7-10 years. Yay. I’m 2 years in, so 5-8 more to go.

I’ve been blessed with friends who have been open about their struggles and the width and breadth of their symptoms. I come bearing loads of experience with metaphysical and holistic health remedies and body-mind-spirit practices to treat all ailments.

Which is a good thing, as physicians apparently receive an hour total of training on menopausal issues; a whopping 6 more hours for ob/gyn specialists.

WTF? What a great reminder that women’s health isn’t a high priority in our medical system, and we need to stick together and think outside the box.

So… I’m 2 years in and devoted to exquisite self-care. Sleep habits, macronutrient ratio experiments, a frig full of organic vegetables, supplements, herbs, exercise, meditation, meaningful friendships, emotional and creative expression, and daily prayer.

And I still often feel achy, overwhelmed and fatigued. I’ve reduced my work schedule, my hiking capacity, all but eliminated sugar, and do much of my yoga on the floor. Oh, and I need to be home by 8pm to start my nighttime routine every night. I have a curfew at age 52. 😆🙄

I have a pretty great life full of simple pleasures, fulfilling work, immense joy, peace and freedom. I am indeed lucky to be able to have made these adaptations and access the supplies I need. But underneath is a longing for things to be different than they are. Usually, it’s buried deep in the unconscious. I’m not thinking about it, but it lurks.

I watched this amazing video yesterday that brought it up to the surface. (Here’s the link if you’re interested. This post really isn’t about estrogen or menopause, but since 1/3 of American women are in the boat, it’s likely that some are reading.)

Then this morning, I had a bit of an epiphany while my chai was brewing. (Black tea with anti inflammatory spices, honey and cashew milk. I really am all in for well-being, which includes comfort and enjoyment too.)

I’ve been suffering because of a belief that things should be different than they are. This is a secondary level of suffering (the physical symptoms being the first). And it’s entirely optional. I can learn to accept that this is how it’s going to be for the next several years and eliminate the upset that comes from rejecting the reality of what is.

I can learn to accept the wisdom of my body and trust that this extra care I’m providing is serving a greater purpose than eradicating discomfort. Perhaps I can even open to the possibility that these lifestyle changes of slowing down, doing less, resting more are part of my soul’s plan. That maybe this is the best thing that could be happening to me at this time.

I’m also all in for rebelling against the status quo, and taking naps and afternoon walks and savoring home-cooked meals is indeed a radical departure from the norm.

After all, with hindsight it’s easy to see that the chronic back pain that began when I was 13yo was incredibly beneficial for me. I didn’t know it then and struggled against the reality for quite some time. But it set me on a different path, one that led to magic I didn’t even know existed beforehand.

The holistic healing route is a curious paradox of accepting what is, doing what we can to move in the direction we want to go, getting support when we need it, and remaining unattached to outcomes. It’s quite the high wire balancing act!

I’ve known this for ages and yet often forget that it applies to me.

Photo by Casey Horner on Unsplash

So, what if this midlife shift is a blessing in disguise? A heroine’s journey of slaying the dragons of cultural beliefs that reject the body in the name of productivity. Of thinking we can overcome biology if only we push hard enough and sacrifice our well-being. Of trying to hang on to a way of operating that is in the past.

What if this segment of life is preparing me for an amazing journey that is mostly uncharted as few modern women have had the opportunity, courage, and willingness to see where it goes?

It matters not if you’ve experienced menopause already or never will. This really isn’t the point. What I truly hope to convey is the option to consider trusting the body’s wisdom, the soul’s guidance and the futility of fighting against the inevitable.

In closing, I’d like to share a reminder of the serenity prayer. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.