Maybe So, Maybe Not

Are you familiar with the Chinese proverb Maybe So, Maybe Not? I’ve been thinking about it a lot as it clearly demonstrates what I’m experiencing in the world.

I believe Alan Watts, beatnik and Zen philosopher, made this story popular here in the west.

Here’s how it goes.

A farmer’s horse escapes. The neighbors say, “I’m sorry, that’s terrible.” The farmer replies, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

The horse returns bringing with it seven wild horses. The neighbors are excited. “Congratulations!” Farmer? “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”

His son breaks a leg training the new horses. “Terrible!” “Maybe.”

The army comes around conscripting soldiers and passes the son by because of his injury. “Blessings!” “Maybe.”

It points to how we often don’t know if something is good or bad because we don’t see the big picture. I suspect it also points to an absence of good or bad on the fundamental level. We get to choose how we interpret things, but at the core, nothing is inherently “good” or inherently “bad”.

(This is the place where contrarians love to bring up Hitler or starving children. Let’s, just for the sake of exploring this concept, set aside the most extreme examples and focus on the huge swath of gray in the middle.)

We like to use black and white thinking in modern society. It’s comfortable, isn’t it, to put a tidy label on things and respond righteously, self-assured that we’re on the correct side of every issue.

But what if it isn’t that simple?

I’ve experienced this myself. Most notably with back pain as an adolescent. Bad, right? Nope! It shifted my entire trajectory, leading me to explore holistic health and spirituality. My Reiki teacher talks about her traumatic brain injury being the BEST thing that ever happened to her!

Recently a woman I know shared how her diagnosis of breast cancer was a catalyst for deep healing and a lifestyle shift that she’d known for years was necessary but couldn’t figure out how to implement. Not a path she’d recommended, she’s quick to add, but one that very much got her attention.

Now… I’m not saying you have to like everything or agree with everyone. Of course not.

But what if you could hold your opinions a little less tightly?

What if you could acknowledge that not all the information is available and there might be some facts you don’t know? Or even that some are deliberately withheld or even altered to obscure the truth?

At the very least, we can release some of the anger and fear we direct towards people and events and be a bit more open to the “we’ll see” attitude.

Not out of some desire to rise above, but out of self-preservation.

As with all growth opportunities, it often helps to start small. Rather than trying to loosen your judgments about that politician, celebrity, or guru you love to hate, maybe look to the behavior you judge in the mail carrier or barista. Someone you don’t have a lot of energy invested in. Just to see how it feels to be free of the burden of playing judge, jury, and executioner in your mind every day.

On a more personal note, I’ll share what’s happening with me with the few of you who have read this far. It is important to preemptively proclaim that I am not asking for or interested in advice, suggestions or whatever other sneaky word can be used as alternative. Nor am I seeking condolences. I’m working through a thing and sharing it because it illustrates my point, not to invite you to a pity party.

I’ve been experiencing intermittent hip and low back pain lately. It visits most mornings and our on-again-off-again relationship has led me to shift my work schedule to later in the day and to explore the underlying imbalance that causes misalignment in my pelvis.

The sensation is quite unpleasant and I have been highly motivated to interrupt this pattern. Sometimes a stretch or specific position brings relief, but nothing I’ve found is reliable. I believe it’s because the physical symptom is just that- a symptom. That underneath is a deeper issue causing the pain.

Is it an energy blockage? Suppressed emotions? Feeling unsupported? Childhood programming about what I deserve? Muscle tension? A weak piriformis? Poor posture? Chronic inflammation? Dysbiosis? Interrupted flight reflex? Disconnection with my inherent divine nature? Maybe yes, maybe no, but probably a combo of all that and more.

Sometimes I’m able to master the mental kung fu of directing my attention elsewhere or surrendering to the sensation, the moment, Divine will, or something beyond my control and find relief temporarily. As I’m not yet capable of holding this awareness full time, the remedy isn’t permanent. Yet.

Curiously I’m pain-free while working. Is it the flow of Reiki? It must be more than that as I’ve been diligently applying healing energy around the clock. I go through phases of trying herbs and oils, lotions and potions, yoga and qigong.

Nothing I do has a consistent effect. Is this a problem? Maybe so, maybe not. Because I can look back at my life and see how the most painful events were powerful initiations and transformative catalysts, I suspect there is a deeper wisdom at play here.

Perhaps I’m meant to be spending my mornings going slowly, immersed in deep meditation with full-on Reiki saturation, huffing essential oils, slathering myself with salves. Maybe I’m meant to be resting more, devoted to my spiritual practice, concentrating on the body-mind connection, exploring the placebo effect and the psychosomatic implications of a literal pain in my ass. That’s all beneficial, right? Maybe so, maybe not.

Perhaps I’m being guided to try different modalities (which btw have consistently failed in almost comical fashion) or reinvigorate my kundalini yoga practice, mantra, mudra, somatic awareness, guided shamanic journeys, and everything I’ve ever learned about bodywork, energywork, chakra healing, and reparenting of the inner children who were abandoned long ago? Maybe.

Perhaps I’m meant to investigate allopathic intervention? To reexamine my beliefs that the medical system is broken and often causes more harm than good. That my personal encounters over the past several decades and the stories I’ve heard from countless clients are not the full picture and surely it must work some of the time. Well, I did venture down that rabbit hole and have confirmed what I imagined to be true for me- the costs and risks are high and benefits pretty sketchy. Maybe so, but more likely, probably not.

Maybe I’m meant to share my story, hopefully inspiring trust in the soul’s journey being part mystery, part surrender, mostly a leap of faith, with a pinch of intention.

While remaining open to the spirit of “we’ll see”, I’m leaning into acceptance, trust, with a hearty dose of WTF. I don’t know what it’s for, but imagine there’s a reason that may or may not become clear one day.

Maybe you’ll find these words helpful or liberating.

Maybe not.

We’ll see.

Photo by Henry Be on Unsplash