It Is What It Is.

And that’s often a good thing.

It is what it is. I hear this phrase a lot when people are talking about something that is not working for them. “My job/spouse/situation sucks. Sigh. It is what it is.” It’s usually accompanied by a shrug and a grimace. The implication is: I’m not happy, but what can I do? It’s a very disempowered mode of being.

I’m going to call this out as a form of spiritual bypass. Putting a glib phrase and smiley face on something that is undesirable is not the same thing as acceptance. Nor does it provide an accurate reading for your internal navigation system so that you can move in the preferred direction.

There’s a nuance to healing that involves accepting things as they are (because, hey, reality), while desiring something different (because, of course!), while remaining unattached to the way, shape, form, or timing of the desired thing (easier said than done).

Healing is a lot like magic.

It’s definitely mysterious, contains a lot of unknowns, and presents an unending supply of blind corners to navigate.

What if that thing you’re struggling with is exactly the right thing for you right now?

Gulp.

I realize I’m likely stepping on some toes here. And that is fully intentional. Healing zones are, by their very nature, likely to be triggersome and I am done tiptoeing around. The only way out is through.

Healing requires getting uncomfortable. Like, a LOT. We can’t heal if we never challenge ourselves, if we remain stuck in our small, cozy corners and never address our fears. I tried! If there was a way, I would have found it.

This idea of “safe spaces”, in my opinion, has stifled healing tremendously.

Yes, absolutely, our nervous systems need to feel safe in order to be regulated, and that’s a big part of healing.

AND… it’s my job to do that for myself. I can’t expect the world to adapt to my quirky traits and prevent my unique wounds from ever being poked. For me, healing means accepting responsibility for creating a sense of safety for and in myself. That means developing a daily practice to do the work and making discerning choices about who/what/where/when/how in my life.

Physical safety is a must. 100%. Absolutely.

Emotional safety, on the other hand, is acquired by deactivating our internal triggers and that takes quite a bit of courage and willingness to get messy. All those suppressed and repressed emotions need to be addressed; otherwise they’re a ticking time-bomb.

Yoga is all about practicing discomfort. You put your body in a challenging position and hold it. You stay present and breathe through the discomfort. Obviously, it’s imperative to know your own edges and not push too far, too fast, or too hard. Then at the end, you get to relax and allow all that new information to integrate.

As much as I’d like, I can’t just jump to savasana and get the same rewards as if I did some warrior poses first. Trust me, I’ve tried!

I’ve been exploring a variety of online communities looking for a good fit for my healing journey. Several years ago, I joined a group practicing somatic awareness. It was a great introduction into a new way of thinking and healing for me.

But I soon came to realize that the content was incomplete. The strategy for dealing with upset was to make a cup of tea, go for a walk, pet the dog, etc. Self-soothing. Sure, that’s great. Then what?

But that was it. Nothing came after that. No repair. No recovery. No restoration. This program wasn’t just trauma-informed; it was trauma avoidant. We were developing the complete opposite of resilience- massive overprotectiveness.

There was no instruction about how to handle that ticking time-bomb. All that kinetic energy can’t be contained indefinitely.

Our last video call demonstrated exactly this. Someone said something completely innocent that triggered somebody. His reaction triggered the rest of us. Everybody used the “time out” hand signals meant to create a safer space and yet it all blew up anyway. It was like watching a train wreck- I saw it coming and yet was powerless to do anything.

We had no tools for cleaning this up and the group disbanded. I later heard the facilitator had a major flare up of autoimmune conditions. I was sad, but not surprised.

Last year, I thought I found the perfect community to join. Gradually, I saw that it wasn’t and one day there was a glaring display of incompatibility that I couldn’t ignore. In my process of jumping ship, I connected with a woman who was also exiting. We quickly became friends and she shared info about another community. It was great! Wonderful content, totally up my alley. But there was no live component, no connection with the facilitator or other participants.

Then I discovered another membership with live events, online, but in real time. And then the leader shifted to recordings only. Which lead to yet another program and a facilitator who cancelled an event last minute, leaving me hungry for some sort of connection, and I landed in a totally unexpected event in the spur of the moment.

It was magical! Just what I needed and whaddya know, the facilitator has an online membership with twice monthly live classes. While watching the recording of a previous class, I had a huge shift in my pelvis that relieved a good portion of the chronic pain I’ve been experiencing.

Each of the steps above were necessary to get me to that moment. All of the uncomfortable experiences of realizing that a leader or group was not what I needed were a catalyst.

Even the chronic pain was in my best interest.

Yes. You read that correctly.

Even the chronic pain was in my best interest.

It was my soul’s cry for help that grew louder and louder until I was unable to avoid it anymore. I never would have invested so much time, energy, attention, or money in healing if I didn’t have a strong motivation to relieve pain. (Consequently, it’s all made me a more compassionate person and more effective as a practitioner.)

All of it was happening FOR me. Not TO me. It was a recipe designed by my soul to steer my evolution, to foster wholeness and purpose.

Naturally, I didn’t know most of this for most of the time; I was just following the breadcrumbs. Now, with the wisdom of hindsight, it’s easy to see.

It is what it is AND that’s a blessing.

Often the blessing is in disguise, but I’ll take my blessings any way I can get them.