Who Are You?

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about my identity. Who am I, really? It’s clear that much of what I thought was me are survival strategies adopted decades ago and worn so consistently they fit like a second skin. They feel normal, comfortable, familiar.

It all started when I realized that my being highly empathic is a result of growing up in an emotionally turbulent home. Tuning into my mother’s moods was a skill I learned early on to help keep myself safe. While I still have access to this knowing, I no longer wish to identify as an empath. That would be like saying I’m a bandage, a cast, a crutch: things that helped me heal but are obviously not to be confused with the essence of who I am.

Same goes for being self-aware, organized, punctual. Together. Yes, it’s true. I am often these things, but would I use them as labels when they all have the same origins as my empathic abilities? No. Not anymore at least. These are just strategies that helped me cope when I was younger.

I can still do the things, but I am shedding the labels.

There’s nothing wrong with being organized, of course. It’s helpful in a lot of ways until it tips over into rigidity where it becomes quite limiting. When I can’t enjoy some downtime until everything is shipshape, it can be a hassle.

But not to worry, because that’s not who I am!

A good student? Nope, that was approval seeking. Necessary in 2nd grade, but no more.

Uber-rational? Overly reliant on the intellect to avoid messy emotions.

Shy? Insecure.

Hard-working, considerate, laid back? People pleasing.

Introverted? Actually, I think this one might be accurate since I can see it in my birth chart. Yes, it absolutely helps to understand this about myself and it makes it easier to plan my life, but if I claim it as an identity, I’m boxed in.

Sensitive? I think this is part real (Cancerian here!) and part exacerbated by the chaotic emotional environment of my youth.

Calm? Dissociated. Until the last ten years or so when I have truly become mostly calm without being numbed out. This took a LOT of consistent attention and oodles of Reiki. Yet, while I am usually calm, I wouldn’t use this as a descriptor for my Truth.

Tough? Armored. Ouch.

Anxious? That’s my nervous system stuck in flight mode. My instincts yell RUN and my mind tries override the impulse so I better fit in. It’s a HUGE relief to know this isn’t me, just my protector parts trying to keep me safe. I’ve given them other assignments so I don’t need to feel on edge constantly. Whew!

Healthy eater? Oh, this is a complex one. It’s the latest revelation in a series of THIS IS NOT ME epiphanies. This is about attempting to exercise control over one of the few things I actually had control over in order to feel safe in a world that didn’t always feel that way. I can trace its roots back to middle school and a mean girl situation. 40 years ago. Still active today, although not that I’m aware I can invite healing in.

As I begin to unravel the conditioning, programming, dysfunctional reactions to discomfort, outdating coping mechanisms, and the layers that cover unhealed wounds in me, I look around and see this phenomenon everywhere. Give me three minutes on the interweb and I can clock at least one example of someone heralding their survival mechanisms as their identity and thereby derailing the possibility of healing.

When we think we ARE our strategies for surviving past challenges, pain, or trauma it’s quite difficult to move forward.

What if we start to recognize the behaviors that we adopted to help keep us safe when we needed them and then forgot to let them go as just that rather than who we are?

Because underneath all that is something altogether different, something that is eternal and expansive. Something to be celebrated, cherished, and honored. Something amazing.

At the core of it all, I’m a being of love and light, a spark of joy, a unique and beautiful soul.

And so are you.

I’ll invite you to get curious about the ways you use the phrases, “I’m a…”, or “I’m just the kind of person who…”, or “As an xyz, I always…”

Why not complete those sentences with some empowering words?

I’m a badass co-creator of my reality.

I’m just the kind of person who wants to be free of everything that is not my Truth.

As a soul living in a human body, I always intend to be kind to everyone, myself included.

So, my friend, tell me, who are you really?

I’m a celebrator of the rhythms of Nature! Here are the first flowers to greet me this spring.

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