What’s in your tank?
A desire to expand my energetic capacity has really come alive in me this week.
Huh?
What I mean by “energetic capacity” is my ability to process old gunk, let stress flow through and out, and hang onto the blessings. My energetic tank, so to speak.
There’s only so much room in my tank to hold it all, and if I’m already full of or overflowing with unprocessed trauma, infected wounds from the past, disappointment, resentment, overwhelm, anxiety (I could go on, but you know what I mean), then there’s no room for anything else. Not even the good stuff.
So, when lightening strikes, rather than allowing that electricity to ground, it fries my circuits.
When rewards arrive, there’s an urge to discharge the excess or fritter it away.
It’s ALL energy. I can grow my capacity to hold more by repairing the leaks (addiction, compulsive behavior and avoidance techniques like scrolling) and learning to be with discomfort. Yes, even the fabulous surprises in life can feel uncomfortable when they are unfamiliar. That’s why learning to feel what’s happening in the body and how to regulate the nervous system when defense mechanisms get triggered is so important when we’re building our dreams.
(In case you’re new here and haven’t heard me say it a gazillion times, the nervous system responds to everything that’s unfamiliar as if it were DANGER. There is no reasoning with it; we need to learn how to soothe ourselves and deactivate the alarm if we want to do anything other than run around in a metaphorical circle flapping our arms.)
At the same time, it’s really helpful to drain the swamp. All those things I don’t want to think about? The pain from years gone by? The emotions that the younger me didn’t have the resources to express? Well, they’re still in my system, getting funky and mucking up the works. Just like moldering leaves can clog the river and cause floods and mayhem, well that’s what happens inside of me when a new surge of energy meets the pain I stuffed down in 1983.
That’s why people get sick on vacation, pick a fight with their partner when things are going well or go bankrupt a few years after winning the lottery. It’s why I can’t put together two coherent sentences when an attractive man smiles at me or sit still when I get good news. The tank is already full, and it can’t hold any more energy, not even the good stuff.
To be clear, when I say “energy” I mean life-force. It’s my goal to be 100% in the flow of LIFE, allowing it to flow in and around me, and to go where it wants to take me. As far as I can tell, this is a recipe for living well and healthy aging.
So how does one expand their capacity for holding energy? I can think of several strategies, although I’m certain this isn’t a comprehensive list.
· Turn attention inwards. Notice what’s happening within yourself- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, energetically.
· Greet it all with generosity and kindness. Turn towards the hurts and upsets and meet them with compassion. Today is the day to stop rejecting and abandoning the most vulnerable parts of yourself.
· Listen to the body. It will tell you what it needs if you only ask. It could be movement or rest, touch or solitude, laughter or a warm bath. These are all ways of helping energy move through. It’s the opposite of sitting still and being quiet like we were taught in school. Rewriting those programs will take some time and consistent effort.
· Learn to sense when survival mechanisms (fight, flight, freeze) kick in. This probably happens more than you realize. A lot of behavior I see in folks is an unconscious, unskillful attempt to regulate the nervous system and unruly emotions. Spending time in stillness and quiet (meaning put down all the distractions, yes, that includes your phone!) for 10 minutes every day and get in touch with your inner landscape.
· Metabolize stress. We are shown two primary ways of managing stress in our culture: flinging it around haphazardly in fits of rage or grief and swallowing it so it eats us up from the inside. Instead, we can process this energy through movement, mantra, journaling, breath practices, and doing anything that brings joy.
· Don’t believe everything your mind says. The ego-mind is driven by the goal of keeping us in a familiar zone. Anything that threatens to bring us out of that zone, including an upgrade, will activate its sneaky tricks, such as self-sabotage and procrastination, to maintain the status quo.
· Question all limiting beliefs and rewrite the ones that are not aligned with your current truth. This requires devotion, repetition, honesty, courage and compassion. The rewards are freedom, joy and unconditional love, which in my mind, make it totally worth the effort.
· Develop a connection with your soul, the divine, spirit guides, ancestors, intuition or whatever word you choose for that which is bigger than the ego-mind/personality and therefore better qualified to lead the way.
· Minimize exposure to toxins. Sadly, that’s not so easy in today’s world. I’m not sure it’s possible to avoid all toxins, but I do make significant efforts to reduce the ones I come into contact with- those in food, water, skincare and cleaning products, as well as media, social media, and relationships. Surely I’m forgetting a bunch of things here.
· Reiki. This holistic form of energy healing that utilizes universal life-force energy can exponentially increase our efforts at all of the above. It’s been a true game-changer for me.
Imagine a cistern for collecting rainwater. You can see how it would be crucial to scrub out all the slimy bits, remove any rotting debris, and plug up any punctures. You’d want the hoses and funnels to be clean and the whole system to be in place ready to capture the bounty that falls from the sky so you can water your garden. Your energetic system is much the same.
This is what I’m working on currently. Maybe it’s because I have a little adventure coming up and I want to make sure that I have a fun trip or maybe it’s because I’m feeling pretty good and want to continue to do so. Maybe something on a deeper level has motivated me. Probably a combination of all of that and more.
These interventions rarely happen by happy accident. They require a committed practice schedule- just like learning to play an instrument. Sure, some people can pick up a trumpet and make music that same day. Most of us have to spend lots of time practicing scales. Over and over and over again.
This is the Olympic level of healing. These remedies have helped me escape the persistent grip of anxiety and malaise and have revealed a light at the end of the tunnel in which I’m rewriting my scripts to include consciously chosen values and beliefs and discarding the programming of my childhood. I approach my transformation just as a gold-medal-hopeful trains. Daily, patiently, and with gusto. I accept that this is where I want to be investing my time and effort because I desire the results above all else. I’m willing to do the work, even when it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable. Especially when it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable, as that’s where the real benefits lie.
I’ll be posting an audio practice as a bonus for paid subscribers in the next few days. If you’re curious about how to put what I’ve just described into an actual experience, and you enjoy guided visualizations/meditations, do check it out. If finances are a barrier to your joining, message me and I can gift it to you. If you’re able to pay the small monthly fee, it helps support my efforts and allows me to continue to share my work here on Substack.
Wherever you are on your path, is there a way to expand your capacity to hold more of that which you’re calling in? I love hearing from you if you’d like to comment. If you found this post to be helpful, please click the heart button or share it and help others find their way to this work. Most importantly, thanks so much for taking the time to read these words. It really means a lot to me!
