What a Jerk!
On Sunday, I was awoken at 6am by loud music coming from next door. Gah! It’s not an unusual occurrence, but for some reason it really got under my skin this week.
I could still hear it after I put in some earplugs and turned on the fan. I was now fully awake and activated and full of judgey, blaming energy.
What a jerk.
He must know that he’s disturbing all the neighbors.
Doesn’t he have earbuds?
How can I trip the fuse?
And on and on.
I finally banged on the wall.
And promptly hurt my hand. Duh. My hands are my livelihood, btw, and I’m usually pretty protective of them. Obviously, I was not thinking clearly. Anger does that.
Temporary success. The music was turned off. And returned 30 minutes later, this time even louder.
By now I’m planning to throw some protective energy barriers up, with my patented “return to sender” shield. I’m not one of these “love and light” types who thinks that destructive energy should be met with a hug and kitten.
I don’t cross the line into offensive tactics, but I think it’s perfectly appropriate for folks to reap what they sow. Sure, I can use my precious time and energy to transform unwanted vibes, but really… is that how I want to invest my resources?
Nope. At least not in this situation. Friends and family are a different matter.
I’m wondering which archetypal energies to call on for help. Kali seems a bit extreme. I don’t need any demons slain, but it’s tempting. Who’s in charge of Justice? Xena?
That’s when I prick my thumb with a fork, drawing blood. Ouch! How is that even possible?! I’ve been using forks for decades and don’t think I’ve ever managed injure myself with one.
Oh. I’m sending out destructive energy through my righteous indignation and it totally boomeranged back to me. Well done, Pamela. Return to sender verified.
That settled me down a bit. I realized the need to get a handle on my projections- not for his sake, but for mine. It’s time to process my anger, given the danger of flinging it around or storing it within.
I realized that I’m feeling all the hurt of a lifetime of unprocessed emotions that I shoved in the basement and swept under a rainbow colored “good vibes only” rug. And it’s triggering my sympathetic nervous system because I’m feeling like a victim. If I’m a victim, there must be a perpetrator and that means I need to defend myself. Or so my primal brain believes.
So first I needed to regulate. Bouncing on the rebounder is my go-to method as it works like a charm, usually in just a few minutes.
Then I proceeded with my plan for protecting the peace in my home from a calm state, rather than the warrior energy I had been building.
Duh! I’m a Reiki Master. I teach my students that we can use Reiki for situations and to diffuse conflict, to remember our values as compassionate, wise beings and to invite universal healing energy and its magic into any circumstance. I forgot about my superpowers in the heat of the moment. That’s what anger does.
Next up: Adulting. Do I try to have a talk with this man? Clearly he knows he’s causing a disruption and that people like to sleep at 6am, particularly on Sundays. My gut, and the arguments I’ve overheard through the wall, tells me that words, no matter how carefully chosen, will only invite backlash.
On my way to work, wondering if I need to take any action when the attack thoughts resume full fiery force.
How dare he?
Who does he think he is?
What kind of person…
Why I oughta…
As I’m driving past a landscaping crew, something flies through my open passenger window, nearly hitting me in my face. Three workers’ faces snap in my direction, no doubt thinking “oh sh*t”. If the window had been closed, I think it would have broken. If this missile had hit me, well… it wouldn’t have been pretty.
At first it looked like a bullet- not one that had been fired, one out of the box. (My dad’s a hunter, so I’ve seen them before.) At the stop sign, I realize it was a chunk of wood that had likely been spewed out by the lawn mower.
An immediate boomerang affect, reminding me, almost very painfully, that my thoughts have power and that the consequences of my righteous indignation only hurt me.
And that the universe has incredible aim! Imagine the orchestration necessary for this little message to come together. This same universe can help me with my problems if I get aligned with what I want to create rather than thinking nasty thoughts.
Sigh.
Three reminders are quite enough, thank you! I’m not going to wait for an even bigger projectile to get my attention.
Since my thoughts are so powerful, what if I choose peace instead of this? (Thanks to A Course in Miracles for that handy sentiment.)
When I got home, I spent 30 minutes on my rebounder still working out the energy in my system that had me all charged up, whilst projecting peace through the dividing wall.
I did catch myself a few times straying from peace into vindictiveness and quickly reeled myself back. This will likely take some time and attention, but I am determined! Mostly determined to be free of this negative energy I’ve been cultivating. The Internalized aggression is far worse than the original disruption.
I can do better than this.
Who knows, maybe if the feeling of peace and quiet is so pervasive, whatever impulse that drives this man to turn up the volume will be quelled at the source? Maybe he’ll be gifted headphones or promoted and move away or countless other interventions the vastly intelligent universe can arrange. Maybe not, but at least I won’t be hurting myself anymore.
It’s interesting to note that I eventually arrived at a place similar to “love and light”, but I allowed myself to go through my own process to get there. If I had jumped right to that (aka spiritual bypassing), I would have had to suppress my anger and dismay, adding that to the festering heap in the basement, essentially assuring that it would blow up sideways at the least opportune moment.
It’s tempting to berate myself for not getting there quicker, but that’s not helpful either. It took as long as it needed to take and not one second more. Maybe next time I’ll catch on after the first or second hint, maybe not. It probably depends on whether or not I take the time to clean out the basement and practice being unbotherable.
P.S. It’s been two weeks since I wrote the above words. The next Sunday was completely quiet. The one after that, the music started at 6:30. I immediately went to my “peace and quiet” mantra whilst cultivating inner peace and quiet. After the first song, the music turned off. It went on like this for the rest of the morning. And every time I met the noise with a feeling of aggression, it got louder or lasted longer. The calmer I was, the quieter the building was.
How cool is that! I don’t expect that I’ve mastered any sort of control over anyone, but getting such clear feedback of how my energy is reflected in my environment was very enlightening and inspiring.
I want to be clear that if you’re in danger or someone is threatening or hurting you, defensive, evasive or possibly offensive action should definitely be considered. Do what you need to do to protect yourself.
But if it’s a matter of irritation or aggravation, try shifting your inner state and expanding the energy into your environment. At the very least, you’ll be marinating in peaceful vibes rather than stewing in resentment.