The AfterWrath

Greetings my friends! Last week’s article about Welcoming Wrath was the most popular one so far. I had no idea that wrath would be so relatable! I’m delighted to have several new subscribers. Welcome! I also had many messages from long-time readers about synchronicities and resonance. It’s not easy writing about this deep inner work, but it really helps to hear that someone out there finds my words useful.

This episode is about the aftermath of wrath. The AfterWrath.

No, I did not explode at the least opportune time. The opposite in fact. There is no residual anger simmering beneath the surface. No resentment, no bitterness, no regret. Certainly there are other deposits yet to be tapped, but for now, there is no danger of collateral damage from vengeful outbursts.

Instead, there are surges of LIFE FORCE. Waves of energy now have a clear channel to flow through my body. I removed the emotional debris that was clogging the highway and all lanes are now open. I knew this would happen, but the amount of power I feel within me is a bit disconcerting.

I can feel my nervous system freaking out. The sensations are unfamiliar and my protective mechanisms came online to do what they are designed to do- they label the unknown feelings as dangerous and go into survival mode.

It feels like having a swarm of wasps in my chest. I used to call this anxiety until I realized it was actually my sympathetic nervous system response being activated. My biological systems are screaming “DO SOMETHING!” It’s my fight reflex in an alternate form.

It matters not that this energy surge is an upgrade, a positive change, a move in the direction I desire to go. These systems are not sophisticated enough to discern real danger from a shift towards wholeness.

The wasps got more and more active, causing greater and greater discomfort. The urge to act was nearly overwhelming. I rode that edge for a while, using Reiki and breathing exercises to soothe myself.

Then I got a series of emails that pushed me over the edge. Three synchronous, seemingly random and unrelated messages of unexpected support. Were you expecting me to say I received bad news? It’s weird, isn’t it, that good news could trigger a higher level of survival response?

All change, wanted or unwanted, activates the alarm bells. That’s why I think it’s so important to have a plan in place when doing healing or spiritual work. Every breakthrough comes with an attempt to equalize the boon and return to homeostasis.

I KNOW this. And I do have a plan in place. I do know how to recalibrate and regulate my nervous system. I know how to expand my capacity and up level homeostasis to accommodate the hard-won benefits of my alchemical experiments.

But I was caught off guard by all this goodness happening at once. So, I did the only thing a rational, middle-aged, spiritually minded woman could do.

I made an emergency ice cream run. 😂

My neighbor owns an artisanal ice cream shop that makes delightful treats with real milk from happy cows and no unpronounceable ingredients. I already knew which flavor I’d order and sent some Reiki ahead to claim a parking space. I walked up to the window and… they were closed for two more hours.

The horror!

By now the urge had grown to compulsion with a do-or-die quality and I just didn’t have it in me to fight against the tide. So I went to the grocery store and to find my old friends Ben and Jerry.

Moments like these create a window of understanding into the world of addiction. Will power alone is not enough to quell the force of a survival response. I wish we all learned in kindergarten how to recognize the moments when the sympathetic nervous system gets activated so we are more empowered to make better choices. Or at least be more compassionate when we get caught up in the tsunami of Get Out of My Way, I Must Have CHOCOLATE NOW!

So… that happened. I didn’t feel great afterwards. I no longer berate myself for falling under the spell of such compulsions, but my body did not appreciate all that sugar and gave me very clear messages that she was angry.

I’ve since made amends with my pancreas and achy joints and am ready to move forward. Instead of “should”ing on myself, I’m brainstorming about how to prepare in advance for the next up-leveling opportunity.

Nervous system regulation is a key component here. Recognizing when it starts to slip, being well-practiced at speaking directly to the parts of me that feel unsafe (an internal dialogue with the inner child/ren) and utilizing tools for soothing the ruffled feathers (breathwork, mantra, prayer, movement, Reiki and self-touch all work well for me).

Also, I want to expand my container to be able to *comfortably* hold more energy. I’m visualizing my aura, the energy field surrounding my body, and imagining pushing it outwards, making it a much larger sphere with a much greater capacity to contain an influx of life-force.

It helps to move outdoors to a spot that truly feels spacious. Being in nature seems the most helpful remedy when I sense the need to really stretch out and get BIG. It also eases access to my connection with the divine and my ability to request, receive and absorb assistance from Source rather than trying to do this work on my own.

After creating this space in and around me, I deliberately occupy it with my attention and a sense of kindness. I move into this expansion, filling it up with my compassionate awareness. This is something that happens in my mind’s eye. Like all valuable skills, I trained for years to get better at using my intention to guide my energy.

Reiki is another priceless tool for doing work like this. It’s my number one recommendation for daily practices to support holistic health and spiritual development. There are countless other techniques, but none that I’m aware of that are as simple, safe, easy, effective, portable, and fun.

I recommend Gay Hendricks book, The Big Leap. That’s where I first learned about “upper limit problems”- a metaphorical glass ceiling that keeps us in our familiar, but cramped, zone. I now understand it as a nervous system issue. My wiring was rigged in an environment where scarcity and chaos were the norm. I learned to be silent and invisible to be safe, so when I step into a role of being seen and heard, it really triggers my security system. Knowing what’s happening really helps me to navigate; not quite gracefully, but less clumsily.

All in all, I’m calling this AfterWrath a success because I responded to an intense situation with compassion and learned something about how I’d prefer to respond next time. There was a time in my life, not too long ago to be honest, when I would have gotten lost down the rabbit hole and frittered away all that beautiful new energy. This time I managed to absorb most of it into my system.

It was movement in the desired direction and that to me is more important than chasing an illusion of perfection. Can we just let go of the idea that we need to become instant masters of all things and just be satisfied as curious newbies doing the best we can?

If you’ve enjoyed this post, you can support my work by liking or sharing it, becoming a free or paid subscriber or making a one-time donation. If you want to really make my day, I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

One of my favorite places to feel the possibility of expansion. The forest. I’m going there now. 😍