Return from the Underworld

Hello my friends! Here we are in a new month, a new season, coming up on a new moon. Transition is in the crisp, autumn air as well as buzzing in my cells.

I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to pull an article together this week. I’m still a bit wobbly from my trip. While it took about 10 minutes to unpack my suitcase, the emotional baggage is a bit more complicated.

On one hand, I went to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, watched the full moon/ partial eclipse over Lake Superior, hiked up some serious inclines for a gorgeous view of Mother Nature to celebrate the Equinox, biked and played cards with my niece and nephews, made some nourishing meals for the family and enjoyed lots of sunshine and fresh air.

On the other hand, I journeyed to the underworld of my root chakra and the source of childhood wounds. It was a LOT to be immersed in the dysfunctional dynamics that caused me so much suffering. Simultaneously, it was easy to see how my own unhealthy patterns emerged. They are only a response to protect me from the unhealthy coping and survival mechanisms of my early caregivers.

That’s the kicker isn’t it- to come to the place on the healing journey where I can clearly see that the injuries inflicted on me were a direct result of the injuries my parents experienced as children. They were simply operating on unconscious autopilot given the traumas of their upbringing and the lack of resources and understanding available to them at the time.

Which leads me to one of the primary paradoxes of healing: what happened to my parents when they were children wasn’t their fault; yet the consequences of their behavior gravely affected me. What happened to me as a child wasn’t my fault (and it wasn’t their fault either) but it is 100% my responsibility to heal if I want to be free.

Judgment is futile, yet so tempting! There’s a strong desire to point a finger and label someone else as WRONG. While it is useful to understand the patterns of inherited trauma so remedies may be taken, there is nothing to be gained from blame.

To go one step further, it was crystal clear to me how the various psychological wounds of my youth cracked me open in such a way as to activate to my superpowers. That my journey through the shadows of emotional bypassing, self-medication, avoidance, distraction, and the strategies I developed to survive difficult circumstances led to tremendous growth and access to my inner wisdom and joy.

Watching this dysfunction, seeing the knee-jerk responses that molded me into a fearful and insecure young adult, knowing that it’s nobody’s fault AND that somehow all that misery turned out to be in benefit of my soul’s evolution, well… it did a number on my head.

I’m grateful to have self-care systems in place. Over the past week since my return, I’ve easily slipped into the comfort of routine. Preparing meals, going for walks in the woods, meditation and prayer. And Reiki, Reiki, Reiki! Reiki is what keeps me from collapsing into a heap on the floor and staying there indefinitely.

While I don’t know exactly how I’m to move through this … episode, I’m just meeting the feeling that is alive in each moment. Giving it my full, loving attention and lots of space. I’m turning to the divine to show me the way; what needs to be digested, what needs to be discarded, what needs to be polished and saved for a rainy day.

In the past, I would have expended a lot of energy trying to figure out a plan or suppressing all this emotional voltage. I would have fallen into despair at the seeming hopelessness of ancestral conditioning and healing childhood wounds that became ingrained as seeming personality traits. My faith in the divine is a huge factor in my capacity to accept this period of time as a transition rather than fighting against it or hiding under the covers.

If I tried to find the finish line, I would have been overwhelmed. (P.S. I don’t think there actually IS a finish line!) I don’t know how to get to where I’m going from where I am. Luckily, I don’t need to know. I need to be present and compassionate and follow the guidance I’m given.

I’m also tuning in to the cosmic energies and using this waning period (both sun and moon have been fading this past week) and opening myself up to the current of letting go. Not forcing anything, but doing my best to not cling to the things that are clearly on their way out.

I recorded an audio follow-along practice for paid subscribers who wish to use these Libra new moon energies for personal growth. It’s an opportune time to cultivate balance and harmony, starting within ourselves. There are countless ways to do this and I’ll bet something pops into your mind if you ponder the possibilities.

I’d love to hear from you! How’s your healing journey going? How do you navigate paradox? How do you celebrate the changing seasons? Inquiring minds want to know. Thanks for stopping by. I’m thrilled you’ve read all the way to the end!

Oh! If you read my post about letting the universe make my travel arrangements, Mystical Travel Agent, you know that I chose not to pay extra to select my seat on flights. On my first plane, the woman sitting next to me in the coveted aisle seat had hot coffee spilled on her leg and bag. I was safe and dry in the middle seat. On the return flight, there was only one empty seat on the plane. It was the aisle seat next to me, and I happily slid over and my row mate and I enjoyed having the coveted empty middle seat between us and lots of elbow room. I also wasn’t charged for my checked bag on the way home, presumably because there was a long wait at the counter. Woot woot!