Note to Self: Stop Making Things Harder Than They Actually Are
This week’s message comes curtesy of a dream.
Last night, as always, I asked a question with the intention of receiving an answer while I slept. I inquired about the fatigue that has been descending every evening around 7:00. I consistently struggle to stay awake till 9, knowing that the earlier I go to bed, the earlier I wake up.
I was working behind the counter at a donut shop, something I actually did in high school. The “main” lady from Golden Girls (Aren’t dreams funny? A quick search revealed this woman to be Bea Arthur, AKA Dorothy from the show) ordered 5 cake donuts and 5 glazed donuts.
As I went to fill her order, I realized that all the cake donuts were iced. Instead of asking if that was ok, I searched high and low for some without icing and investigated the reason for the unexpected icing. Then I went to the boss and asked what to do. He pointed me to a formula for how to mix a dozen donuts when the customer doesn’t know what they want.
I presented this formula to the customer who simply looked at me, silently conveying that she doesn’t want a dozen mixed donuts; she ordered what she DOES want because she knows her desires and isn’t afraid to ask for exactly that.
I made it really hard on myself when all I had to do was put 10 donuts in a box.
I started laughing at myself immediately. I totally do this all the time.
I try to hold on to all of yesterday’s messages and drag those lessons into today, thinking that the new messages and lessons need to get mixed in with the whole batch I’ve been collecting for 20 years.
Phew. Maybe, just maybe, I can focus on today’s lessons, knowing that anything I didn’t integrate yesterday and the days and weeks before will come back around when the time is right.
I also see my tendency to do it all myself. I launched into let’s-tackle-this-making-things-harder-pattern, looking at all the ways I do that, why I do that, how I can … GAH! I’m doing it again!
Instead, what I can do is ask for help from the Divine. I can ask to be shown what I can do rather than muscling way through all the challenges. I can ask to receive guidance and freedom from this pattern.
Instantly I am gifted an image of an 8 lane highway. I know these 8 lanes are all energetic avenues of support, nourishment and vitality coming to me. But I’ve closed down 6 lanes and one has an old jalopy broken down in it. I’m blocking the flow of life-force because I’m not accustomed to receiving so much goodness. Then I go around trying to attract more goodness, but it just gets stuck in the traffic jam.
Well… that’s terrible unflattering! And so very true. gah
So the work is recalibrating my capacity to receive the flow of life-force and all the magic and blessings it brings.
Sounds easy, right?
But HOW?
What’s coming up is to invite in more energy and practice feeling it in my body. To experience more and more energetic input and learn to sit through the initial discomfort and rewire my system to hold more.
The simple version: I savored lying on the floor and feeling the support of the firm surface beneath me. Really drinking in the SENSATION of being supported with zero effort.
The playful version: I made a trip to the grocery store, one with the automatic doors that slide open when you approach. This is a trick I’ve been doing for ages. Walking up to the doors, making a swishing motion with my hands and noticing how every single time, those doors whoosh open for me. I then drink in that sense of empowerment and tuck it away for times when I need a little boost. Dorky, I know. But effective nonetheless!
I’m also paying special attention to each time a human opens a door for me or someone lets me pull out into traffic even though they have the right-of-way. I’m making a point to RECEIVE all the offerings that come my way and really sense how it feels to have support.
The practical version: I ordered some flower essences. A holistic, all-natural remedy for shifting vibrations from the inside out. They are extremely effective at correcting imbalances of long-held emotional patterns. Pretty much the opposite of working hard and doing it all myself.
I’m deliberately growing my capacity to receive.
Curiously, some unexpected money has been deposited in my bank account today. I guess one of those lanes has been cleared and energy is flowing more freely. Yes, please! I’ll take more of that, thank you very much.
I figured I’d start with some really simple practices that wouldn’t feel too challenging or overwhelming. Later today, I’ll do a guided visualization/meditation/Reiki session to work on a deeper level, but I think it’s really helpful to pave the way with the easy stuff.
As I’ve been tuning in to this perspective today, I’ve noticed a hidden layer of discomfort. I feel uneasy when things go too well because I don’t want other people to feel badly. (For example: seeing the single mom rushing around this morning to take the trash out before going to work while I’m sitting on the porch leisurely reading a novel and drinking a cup of tea. 😳).
I’ve put a limit on how good things can get so I don’t stand out. There’s an unconscious belief that it’s better to fit in and struggle and suffer precisely to the same degree that everyone around me is struggling and suffering.
Oof! That really resonates and will require some attention, compassion and prayer. I see roots of it in the mean-girl experiences from middle school but I suspect it goes deeper than that. The maternal lineage passes down this message, stemming from tribal times when survival depended on belonging.
Trying to fit into a culture that is completely bonkers, one that values stress and mindless consumption, overwork and perpetual busyness, is why those 6 lanes are closed. I’m making my life much harder than it needs to be by not tapping into the blessings that could be mine if I only allowed them to be, just because hardly anyone else is letting themselves receive their blessings (or even knows they’re out there).
Now my head is spinning and I think I need to go for a walk around the block to process this truth bomb.
I bet I’m not the only one who makes things harder than they need to be or who holds back out of some misplaced loyalty to the status quo. Who’s with me on this ridiculous ride that saps energy and goes nowhere? Do you ever find yourself pretending to be small so that you blend in and don’t rock the boat? Isn’t it EXHAUSTING?
