Healing and the Soul’s Journey

Spoiler: they’re one and the same

This is not the article I planned to post. I’ve been writing about making space in life to allow the soul’s voice the opportunity to be heard. And because I’ve been doing that myself, it was impossible to ignore the prompts that this story needed to be told first.

Who am I to argue?

Well… I’m exactly one to argue, but these days I recognize the futility rather quickly and submit to my soul’s wishes. She has the higher perspective after all, and my ordinary self has a horrific track record of chasing shiny objects that are terribly unfulfilling.

Before my meditation this morning, I asked for guidance. While I was sitting there, listening to the stillness, these words I’m about to type began to flow. I can laugh now when I say that I batted them away as an annoyance. Go away, I’m meditating.

I’ve since made amends and here we go with the revised agenda!

Healing on the soul’s journey.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

While this is my unique story, I’m being guided to share it so others can see what such an endeavor can look like. So that they might feel less alone when making choices that are unsupported by the collective currents. So that someone struggling with a health condition that is unresponsive to all the treatments might begin to look beyond the physical body for answers. So I can remember that all the parts of me are valuable, even if they can’t be seen with the eyes or under a microscope.

My introduction to chronic low back pain arrived at age 13. It was confounding and frustrating and bigger than I could handle with the resources available to me at the time. Doctors and the adults around me were not helpful and no one really knew what to do about this kid who was suffering when they couldn’t “fix” me. As a result, I learned to Shut It All Down quite effectively and pretend that everything was Just Fine.

It was a good strategy for the time. And now that I have grown my resources considerably, a new strategy has emerged. This one is driven by the deepest part of me, the eternal and wise and loving part that I call my soul.

By using the superpowers of compassion, attention and Reiki, I’ve learned to see how I’d blocked access to my soul when I Shut It All Down long ago. I disconnected from my roots and the capacity to receive aid, guidance and grace from the divine and from nature. Regaining this ability has been a large focus of my healing quest.

I also began to see how I’ve been misaligned with my soul’s purpose. For some reason I can’t fathom just yet, I chose to live in this body with the particular circumstances of my family, upbringing and childhood, and apparently even this pain. It has a purpose. A lesson perhaps. Maybe that’s why I’m being guided to share these words. Rather than rejecting the experience or hiding it or numbing and suppressing it, I’m turning towards it with curiosity and generosity of spirit.

I’ve come to realize that whatever appears in my life is exactly what is meant to happen and that working through each obstacle, celebrating every victory, honoring all the feelings and sensations and providing myself with the attention and care I require is the path.

I used to think that I needed to get myself together and organized so I could begin the journey. Yet that never happened! There was always a mess to clean up, something pulling me from my mind’s idea of what I needed to leave the starting block.

And then… epiphany! I was already on the journey and these messy situations were part of it. I stopped waiting on the ideal circumstances (Ha! As if there is such a thing) and dug in where I stood. Mess and all. Healing is all about glorious messy imperfections.

I deepened my meditation practice. I made space for my emotions to emerge and met with them respectfully rather than pushing them away as an inconvenience. I dropped into my body and listened carefully. I noticed that there was A LOT of needless nervous system reaction that was keeping me tense and anxious and learned how to deactivate them.

I often meant to do these things but didn’t, tried and failed, faked it or just forgot altogether. That too is part of the journey.

I noticed which muscles are chronically contracted, which are short, and which are weak and developed a system for addressing them all. I play detective throughout the day, observing my posture, stance and gait, how use muscles unnecessarily or inefficiently. My patterns and habits are all part of this inquiry.

I shifted my schedule around, allowing for more time in the mornings to do my inner work and somatic therapy. I rearranged my workday and lowered the cap of how many bodywork sessions I could reasonably handle without hurting myself.

I met with a whole bunch of uncomfortable stories and emotions that arose out of these decisions as well as the cultural conditioning that I should be doing more. Yes, there are many tangents on the spiritual journey!

I observed how different foods affect my energy and (dis)comfort and much to my dismay have noticed that I feel better when I eat red meat of all things and avoid wheat, sugar and alcohol. This is highly inconvenient and terribly unsociable. And it’s still true.

I spent time delving into what I truly desire and clarified my intentions. I investigated my behavior when it didn’t match up with those desires and intentions and explored the underlying fears, beliefs and coping mechanisms that brought me out of sync with my goals. I met each of them, also with compassion and generosity rather than shoving them to the back of the closet and hoping they’d magically transform.

I’ve looked at how I use my time, energy and focus and whether these are truly good investments of my life-force. I’ve had to make some adjustments as well as learn how to become a better receiver rather than an over-giver. This required dismantling all sorts of programming and inherited beliefs.

Reiki has been such a blessing through it all. It helps me to stay present with myself and gives me the stamina and courage to keep going. It reveals my strengths and shores up my weaknesses. If you’re interested in learning how to access this natural energy, let’s chat. It’s a tremendous tool.

But you already have access to the superpowers that will be essential on this journey. Compassion. Attention. Curiosity. Intention. They might be underdeveloped, maybe even locked in the subbasement, but they are there, and you can learn how to access them if you desire.

It’s taken me over 1,000 words to uncover my point. That everything is part of the soul journey- our thoughts, bodies, emotions, beliefs, wounds, histories, desires and insecurities. I want to welcome them all like passengers on a city bus. There is room for everyone, but the soul is the only one I want in the driver’s seat.