Disaster or Reminder?

Hint: sometimes they’re the same thing!

Once again, the universe has provided the perfect opportunity to apply the lessons I’m learning. Yay. 🤪

Photo by Martin Sanchez on Unsplash

My everyday situations attract the most powerful teachings if I just pay attention. The chances of me paying attention seem to be greatly enhanced when I start my mornings by connecting with my soul. In as few as ten minutes, the trajectory of my entire day can shift and I’m much more likely to respond mindfully rather than by default.

Here’s the latest edition of my experience at The University of Life.

Every other week, I have an appointment with my 9-year-old nephew to read books via Zoom before school. It’s not an ideal time for me as it interrupts my morning routine, but his schedule and mood are tricky. Given our lack of proximity, it’s the least bad solution for me to connect with him.

While I was waiting for him to log on last week, I took a moment to balance my checking account with my bank statement. Overdrawn! Only $9, but you know how these things can snowball with fees and checks bouncing and more fees. YIKES.

And that’s when Max shows up, with his sweet smile, chattering at 90MPH about the machine he’s obsessed with this week. I can’t understand most of what he says, which is normal; I generally absorb his enthusiasm and get a few questions in before pulling up the same book he’s requested for the past four years.  

But… I was unsettled this time. I could feel that my fight reflex was activated. My primitive mind was shouting nonstop: DO SOMETHING! DANGER! DANGER! DAAAAANGER!  I did my best to subdue it because this was my only chance for two weeks to have any kind of contact with one of my favorite people in the world.

I was able to hold it together with some Reiki and deep breathing for the duration of our video call. When we hung up, I knew I was going to have to address this upset, or my day would get highjacked.

First, crisis management. Investigate what happened and prevent the onslaught of banking fees. OK, a deposit went to savings instead of checking. My mistake. I rearranged some money and reconfigured my ledger and that was all settled in less than ten minutes.

The apparent threat was neutralized, but my nerves were still agitated and the thought of doing the restorative yoga session I had planned was laughable. There’s no way I could be still and relaxation was a joke in this moment.

I tuned in and asked myself, what do I need right now?

Well, the peanut gallery chimed in. Can you relate?

·      The Child: Ice cream. Good try, but no, that will just make things worse.

·      The Surly Teen: Let’s watch TV. Um… maybe later, that won’t help with this.

·      The Spin Doctor: This is perfect blog material, write it while it’s fresh! You’re right, it is good material, but I can’t focus right now. Let’s not try to jump to the silver lining and just be here in this moment first.

·      The Analyst: I wonder how much of what we call anxiety is actually an unsettled nervous system? That’s interesting, but this is not the time to pontificate.

·      The Analyst, again: How did this banking error happen and how do we prevent it in the future? Absolutely. Put a pin in this and we’ll circle back.

·      The Pragmatist: I’m hungry. OK, that’s valid. It’s past breakfast time, but we need to process these stress hormones first.

·      The Spiritual Ego: You should be better at this by now. Can’t you transcend this messy body and all its impractical needs? Don’t be a jerk. This body is our home and I’m committed to taking care of it with compassion.

·      The Worrier: You’re talking to yourself again. Yes, I am. I’m giving all the sub-personalities a chance to be heard rather than suppressing them. Yourself included.

·      The Wise Woman: Bounce. YES! That’s totally the thing that would feel good and help to metabolize adrenaline. I’ll get the rebounder (mini trampoline) and some fun music.

Two songs later, and my energy transformed completely. I had a lovely breakfast and now I’m making a first pass at trying to capture the lesson in words. Shortly I’ll have a go at sorting out the banking error that started this episode and eliminate recurrences.

There are two important pieces here. First that it’s impossible to override the nervous system. I can manage to stumble through some adulting for a bit, but until I use my regulating tools, it’s just that- stumbling. So often we try to force spiritual practice or focus and productivity by ignoring the body’s very real needs. At best, these efforts are ineffective. Also, they are unkind.

Secondly, letting all the parts have a say without punishing or rejecting anyone, but letting the wise part, my soul, make the decisions was the clincher. The peanut gallery can all be counted on to contribute the same old strategies that were designed decades ago to avoid, suppress and numb.

They mean well, but don’t have the perspective, understanding and clarity that I prefer in a leader. As far as I can tell ice cream has never, ever solved a problem and I do not benefit from allowing the immature parts of myself navigate my adult life. Some of their points were valid, and I did circle back where it was useful.

A little follow up: I caught this little banking faux pas in the perfect moment to correct the imbalance and prevent any fees. If I had let Chicken Little run the show, I’d have wasted important moments floundering and flapping about bemoaning a problem that had yet to become solidified. Because I was able to rally and act quickly, there was no penalty other than about an hour of emotional turbulence, which was resolved before it could escalate.

The way I see it, each little training exercise like this one helps to grow new neural pathways that will be easier to access should real disaster show up. If I spend my days on my meditation cushion pretending that I’m exempt from the stressors of real life, those neural pathways atrophy. And I already know where the pathways that developed in my younger years lead: ice cream and alcohol and Netflix.

Each time I see the lesson in the seeming disaster, I grow my sense of trust that the universe really is guiding me and that even though I might not see it till later, things generally happen for a reason and usually that reason supports my well-being and growth. Taking the time to put my soul in charge each morning helps ensure that I catch the reminder instead of the momentum of disaster.

Nature: my muse for going with the flow.