An Unusual Editor in Chief
For the most part, writing these articles is easy for me. Often, they write themselves. I can be out hiking, and the words just start flooding in. When I get back to my keyboard, I’m essentially recording messages that I’ve received.
I suspect the inspiration is always there, but it is able to snag my attention when my mind is quiet, which tends to happen when I’m out in nature. Days when my calendar says I’m supposed to be writing but my mind is crowded, I can sit for hours, typing a few sentences and deleting them over and over again.
I know what I need to do to get in the flow and it’s become natural to me. Trying to ignore the words that want to be shared is nearly impossible- they just keep poking me from the inside until I let them out.
What isn’t easy, not by a long shot, is sharing the writing. Each week I spend hours combing through the draft that wrote itself to assure optimal clarity and precision. Each time I edit, I find something to improve, but eventually there comes a time when I just need to finish it and get on with things. I always chuckle when Substack declares a blog to be a “5-minute read” when it took me hours to produce!
(Note to self: I can address these protective, perfectionist tendencies and give myself more freedom and ease. Reiki and prayer would be really helpful, and I’m just now seeing that this is an area that would benefit from my attention.) (Note to readers: I’ve been working on this the last few days and this article is coming about much more easily than the last one!)
Yet, I’ve committed to this dance and keep on posting, despite the discomfort. Why? My soul guided me to this mission, and I’ve learned the hard way that she is always right. I take guidance on like an assignment from an employer and do my best to meet my deadlines with gusto. She’s my editor in chief.
Aside from the normal fear of being judged, criticized or ridiculed by strangers online, there’s a vulnerability about sharing personal stories about my journey and experiences that are so dear to my heart. There’s also a bit of worry that I’ll be misunderstood and the sense that a lot of people just aren’t interested in the topics I’m assigned.
If I allowed my ego-mind to run the show, these fears would likely overtake me. The ego doesn’t like change; in fact, it can respond to stepping out of the comfort zone with a full-blown survival response. I recently heard Kate Northrup say that the ego prefers the familiar hell to an unfamiliar heaven. So true! Learning how to work with this challenge has been incredibly empowering.
I can use my nervous system regulating tools and Reiki to move past this overly protective defense mechanism and more easily access internal wisdom. I’ve learned that when I don’t know how to face a job I’ve been given, I can put my soul in charge and let her lead. I keep surrendering the hard decisions, the difficult actions, the impossible situations and ask to be shown the way.
So… when I’m assigned a task of recording guided audios, as scary as that may be, I go with it. I wish I could say I jump in with both feet, but that would be a lie! And when I realize it’s technically a podcast, I allow myself a few moments to freak out and then move on.
Many podcasts have producers and and a musical theme and… other technical stuff that is beyond my current capabilities. Maybe I’ll get there or maybe I don’t need to. Figuring all that out in not my business! I just have to make the recordings.
So… when I’m assigned a second… podcast for Reiki practitioners, gulp, it’s less of a hiccup. And then when I’m told to build up a collection of… podcasts, and list them on Spotify, well… I take several moments to curse proficiently and moan wholeheartedly, and let it go.
Right now, I’m just in the building phase. I trust I’ll be given assistance should I need it when the time is right. But for today, I’m just in recording mode.
Instead of feeling like I’m the writer, editor, recording artist and producer, I can let go of many of those hats and just be a person who follows the breadcrumbs. And that is something I’m good at. :)
This great recording from Tosha Silver really expresses how I’m able to do this letting go.
And here is one of the Reiki Tribe podcasts, a simple guided practice for clearing energy. And a blog post about meeting a challenging situation with mindfulness. If you’re a Reiki person and want to follow the blogs and podcasts I’m creating just for you, please subscribe!
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