An Ode to Wrinkles
Yup. You read that right! I’m celebrating wrinkles, of all things.
I looked in the mirror last week and did a double take. Holy crows’ feet, Batman! I’d never noticed them before. Perhaps I don’t usually smile when I’m looking in the mirror? Whatever- it took me by surprise.
The instinct was to panic. Funny, isn’t it? These are hardly life-threatening. But my conditioning, thanks to a society that values youth over wisdom, well, it runs deep.
I could feel my fight or flight reflex kick in. Not to throw punches or run away, but to DO SOMETHING. I intervened before this went too far, so I’m not entirely sure where it was going. Crazy expensive creams, perhaps?
Once I got myself together, I recognized this as an important opportunity to embrace aging, which I believe is necessary for healthy aging. If I reject the process, it sets me up for a chemical stew that promotes inflammation and… more wrinkles!
I’m grateful for all the mindfulness practices that helped me to sense the shift into a potential downward spiral before it built any momentum. If I were a drama queen, I imagine it could have been quite the spectacle!
Of course I have wrinkles! I’m 53- I’ve earned them. At least they’re from smiling. 😊
What I really want to get to here, is the acceptance of aging and its outward manifestations, as opposed to villainizing it. I’m getting older every day. That is a fact. I get to choose what stories I tell myself about this. Is it wonderful? Or horrible? Do I celebrate or start researching vanity spa treatments?
To begin with, it helps to look at our cultural programming. For me, that entails examining beliefs about beauty and personal value. Hollywood says that younger is more beautiful, more beautiful is better, therefore younger is better. It’s easy to jump to the mistaken conclusion that our value declines as we grow older.
Do I want to put Hollywood, and all the voices that I’ve inadvertently internalized, in charge of my self-valuation? Do I really believe that some crinkles around my eyes make me less of a woman? Have I lost worth in the world, or just some elasticity in my skin?
(Just now I searched the stock photos available here on Substack for “beauty” and “beautiful woman”. Unsurprisingly, women over 30 are not represented in the selection.)
I can apply this same process to so many other visible signs of getting older. There’s grey hair and thinning hair, thickening waistlines, and liver spots. I, for one, would rather invest my efforts and money in vitality rather than superficial beauty. But what I think is most important is not going to battle with our bodies.
There are lots of things in life that we have no control over. If we use our precious life-force attacking ourselves, rejecting ourselves, or otherwise treating ourselves unkindly, our health suffers. (If you want to get nerdy, check out Gabor Maté’s When the Body Says No. He lays it all out- thoughts and feelings affect the nervous system, which affects the endocrine system, which affects the immune system. Psychoneuroimmunoendocrinology. Really. It’s a science.)
I’d like to expand on this even further. Let’s have a look at all of our beliefs about aging. For most of us, they’re rather depressing. It’s common knowledge that once you turn 40, everything starts falling apart. Nonsense!
Yes, it’s common for folks in their 40s to develop aches and pains, but I’d argue that this is neglect and abuse catching up with them. The idea that we gradually, or even drastically, decline in health until we’re decrepit is just a lie.
Then there’s some baloney about not having a purpose, being helpless and hopeless, a burden on your family. You can certainly prove yourself right if you want to believe these things, but that’s not a prize I’d like to win.
It’s true that western culture does not venerate its elders. That doesn’t mean that our elders aren’t venerable; it just shows one more way our society is totally effed up.
Our beliefs affect our reality. I think it’s important to examine our beliefs and make sure they align with our values rather than just picking up whatever crap is being disseminated in the movies and on Instagram.
Wouldn’t it be more enjoyable to choose beliefs that serve us rather than carrying around the baloney that makes us feel badly about ourselves?
The body-mind connection is pretty darn strong. The body is listening to every thought we have and responds accordingly. It’s my goal to be kind to myself, my body and my wrinkles, included.
