Addressing Fear
A compassionate approach that can yield big results.
There are two conventional ways of dealing with fear in our culture. You can let it stop you from moving forward or override it and push through. The former keeps us stuck in a rut, never exploring unfamiliar territory (very beneficial for our cave dwelling ancestors who were safer close to home) and the latter causes us to ignore, and possibly harm body and soul in favor of the ego-mind.
Neither are particularly advantageous to someone pursuing personal growth, spiritual awakening or good health.
What if there’s a third way? A more skillful, compassionate and wiser approach?
I’m learning to see fear as an ally. It’s attempting to keep me safe. (The same can often be said of resistance and procrastination, which are disguises fear can wear.)
Sure, it’s overprotective and sees all change and the unknown as something that threatens survival, but it means well. Rather than trying to conquer fear, we can point our efforts towards healing our nervous systems and rewiring our beliefs.
Fear activates the sympathetic nervous system- think fight, flight, freeze and fawn. We all have preferred defaults, but no matter which branch you find yourself on, there are similar results. Enhanced muscle tension and inhibited cognitive function. Clearly this is not a good space from which to make decisions!
When we deactivate this survival response, we can then access the capacity to inquire into the source of the fear, weather or not the intended action is aligned with our values and goals, what steps need to be taken for optimal outcomes, and how to do so with self-kindness.
When fear is in charge, these steps are practically impossible. That’s why I spend some much time talking and writing about nervous system regulation. Whenever we come to the edges of our comfort zone, we risk activating protective mechanisms that mean well, but drain life-force energy and cloud judgement.
Sometimes fear is like rumble strips on the highway, alerting us that we have drifted out of our lane and are headed for danger. This isn’t always the case, but it might be, and I think it’s well worth some exploration to see if it’s true.
Keep in mind that the soul might view anything that is misaligned with our purpose to be a danger. The body might view anything that reminds us of previous harm as danger. And the primitive brain thinks anything new or different is danger.
Trying to force activity when the body is screaming DANGER and adrenaline is pumping and muscles twitching is not only unkind, but largely ineffective. If changing your behavior based on the value of self-compassion seems lofty and unattainable to you, please reconsider! And in the meantime, focus on the efficacy. You’ll have greater benefits if you switch gears and activate the antidote- commonly called rest and digest or tend and befriend mode.
Placing a hand on your heart and taking deep, deliberate breaths and sighing audibly on the exhales is the easiest way I know how to interrupt the cycle. Once that’s done, we can move on and formulate a strategy for addressing the fear.
It’s important to get to the layer underneath. Who is afraid? Of what? Why?
Put on your kind, wise person hat and investigate.
Is this really something that demands caution?
Do we need to abandon the plan altogether or can we set some parameters to satisfy the parts that feel unsafe?
Who is driving this bus- the helpless inner child, the rebellious teenager, the traumatized young adult? All will clearly yield very different results.
Learning to meet fear with curiosity and respect can be incredibly empowering. Learning to deactivate oversensitive warning bells can be incredibly freeing. Learning to be kind to ourselves while doing so will be incredibly transformative.
These are revolutionary acts that have the potential to create big shifts in our lives. From a holistic health perspective, they can also boost our physical, mental and emotional wellness. Isn’t that a good enough reason to try doing things differently?